Oxhill News

www.oxhill.com / www.oxhill.org.uk

South Warwickshire, England.

The Oxhill News

May 2016

This months News

Contents

 

Important

From: Ronald Frump, Executive Chairman,
Worldwide Hydroelectric inc

To: Oxhill Parish Council

Howdy Councillors!

I must say how encouraged I was to hear of Mister Poisson's generous plan to equip Oxhill with its very own heliport - just the sort of forward thinking your sleepy old community needs to bring it right up to date with the prevailing zeitgeist.

Such an imaginative development convinces me that Oxhill is the perfect location for Worldwide Hydro's next generating complex, bigger than any yet contemplated in the western world. Our extensive survey of your Oxhill 'Torrent' during recent optimal flow conditions suggests a 10 gigawatt output to be readily achievable from a multi-spindle through-axis sintered turbine gang, easily accommodated in the existing cellar of the Manor House. It is expected that very little impact will therefore be made on the ancient landscape, except possibly by the Vale of the Red Horse dam. Whilst visible from space, it will be unlikely to impede many residents' views, as our research shows that most Oxhill front rooms face in the opposite direction.

Although the turbine hall sluices will produce a degree of audio stimulation, an independent sound survey carried out by our subsidiary Worldwide Ear Defenders Inc indicates that most people find the sound of running water to be extremely restful, adding to our overall enhancement of your locale. Protection of indigenous wildlife will, of course, be high on our agenda. Rather than relying on conventional relocation methods, we will use a specialised process known as 'real-time concrete encapsulation' to ensure long-term preservation of all creatures in the affected area.

Outline plans are in hand to further capitalise on the development with the provision of a water slide and power boating park, and investment is being sought for an international seaplane terminal to complement the anticipated heliport. I'm sure I can count on your wholehearted support for this imaginative proposal.

Sincerely (well fairly)

R Frump

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Last modified: June 04, 2016